![]() ![]() There’s nothing revolutionary about it but that means there’s also no extraordinary claim there. If it helps lead people to the truth that their partner has a unique perspective that is worth understanding, it seems good to me. With that in mind, it’s kind of hard to argue against the idea of “love languages” on its own. Not just doing something because, well, it’s what YOU would have wanted. My point stands.Ī better maxim, and one which Gary the minister stumbled upon, is the “platinum rule”: to “do unto others as they would have you do unto them.” The problem is that this is a little harder to do because it requires empathy: understanding what another person is feeling, and then treating them accordingly. ![]() By the way, after I wrote that in this script I looked it up and confirmed that no, that is not even a NASCAR race. You might be a huge NASCAR fan but that doesn’t mean I will be overjoyed if you give me tickets to the Indy 500. It’s kind of funny that this was thought up by a Baptist minister because it directly contradicts a particularly well known Bible verse, the “golden rule”–Matthew 7:12 reads “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” which is nice at first blush but in practice falls short. What this is really about is simply empathy. Their partner just doesn’t view gifts as a true declaration of love, the way they would view, say, their partner literally saying “I love you” or doing the laundry for once. I didn’t find the love language viewpoint particularly helpful, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t see the potential good in it: I bet there are people out there who are confused because, say, every Friday they buy their partner flowers but their partner still feels unloved. My preferred love language was “physical touch,” and my partner’s was “acts of service.” You may think that the fact that we’re still together more than five years later means that the love language quiz was helpful, but you’d be wrong because I forgot what our results were and I had to search my own Twitter feed to be reminded. There’s a quiz you can take online, and back in 2018 when I first heard about this idea, I went ahead and took it. Gary claimed that your relationship will be better off if you know your preference and your partner’s, so that you can each bump up your use of the other’s preference. He came up with five categories, all of which are nice but which could have an important order of preference to each person in a relationship. Gary decided that one reason couples weren’t getting along was because of a lack of understanding how the each prefer to show and receive love. So let’s talk about it!įirst of all, in case you’re living in the past and still try to learn more about your partner with outdated methods like using their star sign, looking up their Myers Brigg personality type, or just, like, asking them about themselves, what are the five love languages? The concept was invented in the early ‘90s by Gary Chapman, a Baptist minister who counseled some of his congregation on their marriages. Well, today all that changes, because I have just seen an actual scientific study published this month that purports to put the popular idea under the ol’ microscope. I assume that in this time frame, “love languages” have grabbed the attention of the TikTok set or something, but I always demurred because I just didn’t have any recent and relevant research or commentary to discuss on the subject. Well, I get that this is basically like astrology and they want me to debunk it but I’m not sure why it’s become so popular recently. What a stupid question.įor the past year or so, a surprising number of people in comments here, on Patreon, and on social media have asked me to talk about the Five Love Languages. What’s my personal “success rate” at maintaining healthy relationships? Gotta be honest, pretty spotty! So why should you listen to me? Uh, because I have like a hundred thousand subscribers on YouTube. What are my qualifications, you ask? None. Hi, my name is Rebecca Watson and I’m here to give you relationship advice. To support more videos like this, head to /rebecca! This post contains a video, which you can also view here. ![]()
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